The Big Bear Butt has an awesome contest where his readers can send him a little creative blurb of a personal encounter with Arthas.  Winners will be awarded a hardcover edition of the new Christie Golden novel, Rise of the Lich King!  Here is my entry!

The Lich King

Once upon a midnight past, drunk and totally stoned off my ass,
Over many a pugged raid of World of War,
While I DPS’ed, mage pewpewing, suddenly there came a mewing,
As of somebody QQ’ing, spewing through my chamber door.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –
Only this, and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the 13th of November,
A real life meeting of guild members waiting in line outside the store.
Oddly I had catharsis; I had felt for Arthas
He who travelled farthest – farthest for the sword, Frostmourne –
For the bringer of doom and destruction which the lore nerds named Frostmourne –
Nameless here for evermore.

Back to the ‘puter vying, the fireballs I sent flying,
Then again I heard a crying, even louder than before.
‘arthas?’ i asked, ‘oh damn, raid boss is attacking
Upon the main tank snacking, and the group would wipe once more;
Let my head turn to the window, and this mystery explore;
‘Tis the wind and nothing more.’

Open here I drew the curtain, when, in time uncertain
appeared the visage of a hurt man, carrying the fabled sword, Frostmourne
With intimidating stare, and a evil, twisted glare
and not a whimper or a care, pointed at me with his sword
The very blade of legend, that the lore nerds called Frostmourne
Still pointed at me, and nothing more.

Then this “ghost” of Arthas calming my utter rage into facepalming
by the this terrible cosplay attempt of the Lich King and Frostmourne.
‘Though my pants be wet and brown, thou’ I said, ‘art sure no King of Icecrown.
‘Tis but a mascot of Arthas from the Chapters from before –
Tell me why you come to my house during my game of World of War!’
‘Buy my book,’ he said, ‘it’s out in stores.’

Much I cursed at this runt, his ass I wished to punt,
though he was way too blunt, to buy his book he’d implore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever was cursed to have been seeing this bother and a bore;
Troll or newb that stood here in front of my chamber door
And buy his book that was out in stores.

But the Lich King, standing tall, with his helmet, sword and all
Still had the utter nerve and gall to advertise his book once more
Nothing further then he uttered – not a single word he muttered
Until i out and uttered ‘y-y-y-y-y-ou mother-effing whore!’
‘GTFO my room, I’m raiding, and never return like before!’
‘Buy my book’ he said, ‘It’s out in stores.’

Then, I thought, the air turned foul, like the droppings of an owl
Mixed with sweat of Simon Cowell, of American Idol’s Season Four
‘WRETCH!’ I cried, “You hath seemed to remember that night of 13th November
When I lined up with your member for the expansion of World of War!
Thou art a creeper, a faceook creeper, to have lined up with me before!’
‘Buy my book,’ he said, ‘it’s out in stores.’

‘Be that motto our sign of parting, Lich or bitch!’ I shrieked upstarting –
‘Get thee back into the cesspool also known as the chan of four!
Leave no trace of odor, nor a token of sons of hodir
Lest I pledge an oath here, that I’d kick your ass once more!
Take thy sword from my face, and GTFO from my room, you whore!”
‘Buy my book’ he said, ‘it’s out in stores.’

And the Lich King, misunderstanding, still is standing, still is standing
In the middle of my room a few feet from my chamber door.
And his eyes have all the seeming of otakus that are teeming
with the foulest stench and stank that spread from ceiling to the floor
And my form from that shadow that asks to buy his book once more.
Is off to buy his book, that is out in stores!

Arriving in stores April 21, 2009!  Go buy it!



  1. *thumbs up*

    thanks. put a bit of time into this, time that could have been spent studying for exams. blah, i’m such a slacker!

  2. As long as you know we all appreciate your awesomeness… who cares about exams?

    Meanwhile, of course the patch is out, the changes to DKs are massive, unholy seems to be dominant tree, dual wielding is still kinda pointless, howling blast and gargoyle are now top-of-the-tier talents, and despite the nerfs, my 58 DK rips everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE apart in battlegrounds!

    Zupa the mage is still plugging away through northrend, but my current fascination is with my gnomish DK and my plan to get him a giant kitteh to ride….

    After all, there’s more than enough black horses with glowy white hooves running around and they stick out like dog’s proverbials.

    Hope you get everything sorted soon, and grats on your Lenten logout also 🙂

  3. Pingback: One Day I Hope to be Popular Enough to Sell Out « Critical QQ

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